


Good Times, Bad Times

by webofdreams89



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, hinted/minor depression, mentioned transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 21:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2788475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webofdreams89/pseuds/webofdreams89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took Sam nearly the first two months of her freshman year before she worked up the courage to do more than merely mumble her order to Jess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Times, Bad Times

**Author's Note:**

> I have no experience being trans. I don’t know what it’s like and am basing this fic entirely off of what I’ve read and what I’ve heard from friends that are. I tried to be as respectful as possible. If there’s something wrong, even if it’s minor, please let me know. 
> 
> Also, in the vein of the tv show, I named the fic after a Led Zeppelin song. 
> 
> This fic is for sexinachurch, with their prompts of homesickness and coffee addicted Sam.

It took Sam nearly the first two months of her freshman year of college before she worked up the courage to do more than merely mumble her order to Jess, the cute girl that worked at the coffee shop just off campus.  It took two months of daily trips to the coffee shop (and sometimes two or three trips a day), of watching the way Jess’ smiles seemed to grow more and more genuine each time Sam came in before she felt sure enough to strike up conversation.

The coffee shop was pretty slow, a lull between classes, and when Sam looked around, she saw that most everyone was either engrossed in a stack of text books or laughing with friends.  Distracted.  It was enough to allow Sam to relax, to breathe deep, and to just let go a bit.

Later, Jess would tell Sam that her biggest problem was being so entirely wrapped up in her own head that she couldn’t see past her nose.  And Sam knew Jessica was right, she was.  But that first time Sam struck up conversation with her, she wasn’t thinking about the stonewalling her dad had given her before she left for school or the worried emails her brother kept sending.  Sam tried to relax herself, feeling the tension flow from her muscles, and asked Jess about her shirt.

“Oh,” Jessica replied, looking down like she couldn’t remember what she’d put on that morning before she smiled down at it a little, “it’s from this band back home.”  Her smile widened when she looked back up at Sam.  “I think you’d like them.”

Sam raised an eyebrow.  “How would you know what I like?” she asked.  It came out a lot more flirty than she intended, but it must have worked because Jess laughed. 

“I can just tell,” she said, her voice dropping an octave before she moved to prepare Sam’s usual order. 

Sam could feel the flush moving up her face and had to bite her lip hard to keep from smiling hard enough that Jess might think she was a creeper.

“It’s on the house.  Have a good day today, Sam,” Jessica said.  She slid Sam’s coffee across the counter.

Eyebrows pinching together, Sam asked, “How did you know my name?”

“I asked around.”

It seemed so strange to Sam that Jessica would ask around about her.  Jess was beautiful, confident, good at reading people.  She was everything Sam wished to be, everything Sam wished she’d been born to be. 

She tried to repress it, but Sam blurted out, “Why?” before she could stop herself.

Jessica looked at her for a long moment, really looked at her.  “You just seem like someone worth knowing, Sam Winchester.”

On the side of Sam’s paper cup was smiley face with a phone number written under it.  Sam hadn’t even seen Jess write it, which meant that she had to have prepared it before Sam even came in. 

Sam was giddy enough the rest of the day that her roommate asked her what she on.  Sam just shrugged, running her thumb across the phone number on her paper cup.

\--

“What’s that?” Sam asked.  She stood off to the side as Jessica hung a hot pink flier on the cork board in the coffee shop.  Sam was between classes and knew Jessica would be taking her break soon.  They’d taken to hanging out during Jess’ breaks, groaning over their never-ending piles of homework.  Jessica talked Sam’s ear off about bands she liked and would then get embarrassed about how much she talked. 

“I like listening to you,” Sam admitted after the third or fourth time.  Jessica had stared at her quizzically for a moment before a small smile spread across her face.  And god, Jessica’s face had been made for smiling.  It made something inside Sam’s chest flutter every single time one of those smiles was directed at her. 

“Hey there, Sam,” Jessica said, smiling over her shoulder.  “I’m the publicity chair for our lgbtqia group here on campus.”

When Sam didn’t say anything right away, Jess turned to get a better look at her.  An unsure look crossed over her face, like she was maybe a little nervous about Sam’s lack of reaction. 

Things Sam wasn’t even ready to name quite yet churned inside her.  A cold sweat broke out at her temples.  “I didn’t know that,” Sam said softly.

“Uh, yeah,” Jess said, “I don’t think I’ve told you before, but I’m bisexual.”

“I…” Sam began before she trailed off.

“Would you like to come to our meeting on Tuesday?” Jess asked.  “It’s open to everyone in the community.  And allies too.”

“I…um, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that,” Sam said finally.

An understanding look passed over Jess’ face and she nodded.  “That’s perfectly fine, Sam.  I’d never want to pressure you into something you weren’t comfortable with.”

“Thanks, Jess.”  Sam’s throat was still sore, tight, but she felt a rush of gratitude toward this girl she hadn’t even known that long.

\--

The thing Sam really likes about Jess is that, even though she asks Sam each week if she’d like to attend the meeting, she never pressures her into going.  It’s more like she reminds Sam about it each week, wants Sam to know that her options are always open.  That’s it’s all her choice.

Sam can’t even begin to describe how grateful she is for that because she felt like she never had any choices growing up.  Going to Stanford feels like the first decision she ever got to make for herself and since then, Sam has become partial to making decisions for herself.  In this case, it is her decision not to attend the lgbtqia group.  She knows that she would probably get a lot out of it, but she just doesn’t know if she is ready to voice that part of herself just yet.  Especially after the way her dad reacted when she tried to tell him all those months ago.  Besides, if she just showed up at the meeting, people would probably assume she was simply and ally and that just wouldn’t feel right either. 

She knows she’s a girl and she knows she likes girls, but it’s still so overwhelming that she’s not sure quite when she’ll be ready.

\--

It’s a Tuesday, so late that it’s nearly Wednesday, and raining when Jessica gently palms the side of Sam’s face and asks if it’s okay to kiss her. 

A lot of times while Jess closes the shop by herself on week nights, Sam hung around and kept her company while Jess cleaned the espresso machine and swept the floor.  Sam was there often enough that Jess’ boss finally just asked Sam if she wanted to work there too after one of Jess’ coworkers was fired for stealing.  Sam agreed.

Jess had been acting strange all night, sending Sam enough furtive glances that Sam was almost worried she found out about Sam’s biggest secret somehow.  Sam was planning on telling her at some point, but she wanted it to come from her. 

It got to the point that Sam, while flipping chairs upside down so they could sweep, asked Jess what was going on.  Jessica had bitten her lip and looked up at Sam.  She looked so nervous as she moved closer to Sam.

“Yes,” Sam said without hesitation.  Kissing Jessica was something she’d fanaticized about since before they even became friends and she was thankfully able to shut her brain off enough (just this once) and not overthink it.

Jessica was tall enough that Sam barely had to lean down to press her lips to Jessica’s.  As the kiss endured, Sam felt more than heard Jess’s breath catch.  Her hands came to rest on Jess’ hips, one circling around to her lower back. 

When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, Jess bit her lip again and said, “I like you a lot, Sam Winchester.”

Sam’s breath caught this time.  “I like you too.”

A wide grin spread across Jess’ face and she kissed Sam’s cheek before she said in a coy voice, “Good.”

\--

Sam and Jess have been together about a month, sprawled across the bed in Jess’ dorm doing homework, when Sam’s phone rings.  She glances at it before hitting the decline button.  Jessica glances at her before turning back to her history text book.

Sam’s phone rings again about five minutes later, and then again fifteen minutes after that.  She ignores it each time. 

Jess looks up at her, chewing on the end of her pen (which should be kind of gross but is really cute when Jess does it) before she asked, “Is everything okay, Sam?”

Sam stares at her phone, scrolling through all her missed calls.  She has a voicemail now too.

“I don’t know,” Sam admitted honestly.

Laying a hand on Sam’s arm, Jess asked, “Who keeps calling?”

“My brother.”

Frowning, Jess said, “I didn’t know you had a brother, Sam.”

“Yeah,” Sam said softly, still looking at her phone.  “Dean.  He’s my older brother.”

“You don’t really talk about your family,” Jess stated cautiously, not like she was scared of how Sam would react but that she was afraid of upsetting her.

Sam gave her a tight smile.  “There’s a good reason for that.”

“You know I’d never make you talk about something you didn’t want to talk about,” Jess began.  She ran her hand through Sam’s hair.  Sam had been growing it out, just to see how it would look. 

“I know,” Sam said before Jess had a chance to say more.  “That’s part of why I like you so much.” 

Jess gave her a half smile.  “I do want you to know that I’m here for you if and when you do want to talk.  No matter what it’s about.  Got it?” 

Sam honestly had no idea how she got so lucky.  “Likewise.”

\--

By the time Sam made it back to her own dorm room, she had two more missed calls and another voicemail. 

She stripped out of her clothes and put sweats on, climbing into bed, before she listened to them.  Her eyes welled up at the sound of her brother’s voice.  He didn’t really have much to say except that he really missed Sam and that their dad had been a real prick since she’d been gone. 

There were so many things Sam wanted to tell Dean, so many.  She didn’t even know where to begin though.  So she turned her phone off and didn’t call him back. 

\--

By the beginning of spring semester, Sam declared her major, pre-law with a minor in political science.  She told Jess about all the intro classes she was taking, but at the last minute decided to add a sixth class during a time when she knew Jessica would be having her Geology lab.

It was another intro class, but for Queer Studies.  She was both nervous and excited about it.  Hopeful. 

On the first day of class, Sam picked a seat somewhere in the middle of the room.  She flipped through her text book until the teacher came waltzing in five minutes later.

“Hello everyone,” the teacher said.  Sam looked up and saw that she was an older woman, short and dressed in a plaid shirt and khaki pants.  “I’m Professor Winston, but you’re all welcome to call me Faye.  I’d prefer you don’t address me by my formal title, but if you’re uncomfortable calling me my first name, then Professor Winston is more than okay.

“I like to be addressed by she/her pronouns.  That’s something we’ll be covering at some point during the class, the use of different pronouns.  Any questions so far?”

Sam felt overwhelmed.  Faye seemed to be a bit of a whirlwind, which Sam hadn’t been expecting when she first laid eyes on her, but not necessarily in a bad way. 

After a few more minutes, Faye said they were going to go around the room and introduce themselves.  Sam was sweating until they got to her, but gritted her teeth when in was finally her turn.  “Hey everyone.  I’m Sam, pre-law, and I’d…I’d like to be addressed by female pronouns.”

Faye smiled at her, and girl sitting to Sam’s left went next. 

\--

“Elections are next week and I really don’t know what to say.  I mean, should I write and memorize a speech beforehand.  Would that sound too contrived?  Or would just winging it sound better?”

They were at work, wiping down counters and refilling the espresso machines with beans.

“Having a few points you’d like to talk about prepared ahead of time might be a good idea,” Sam said, putting the lid back atop the espresso machine. 

“I like the way you think, Sam Winchester,” Jess said, giving her a sly smile.

It had been months since they started dating, but Jess still had the power to make Sam blush like she was twelve years old again and Cindy Parker was smiling at her in math class.

They lapsed into silence, which Sam broke when she said, “I think I’d like to be there for the next meeting.”

Jess looked over quickly, stunned before she grinned widely.  “Sam!  Are you sure?”  Thinking of Sam even in her own excitement.

Sam nodded.  “Yeah, I’m sure.  It’s time.”

\--

While the meeting mainly consisted of elections for following school year, Sam found that she really liked it.  Everyone was really friendly, though it helped that Jessica was at her side nearly the entire time.

Sam took Jessica out for dinner to celebrate that she got elected as Vice President for the next school year.  They ended up at Jess’ dorm room, lying tangled together.

“I love you, Sam,” Jess said, pressing a kiss to Sam’s cheek.  “You’re the best person I know.”

Sam squeezed Jess’ hand.  “You know, don’t you?  About me?”

Jess propped herself up on her elbow and gazed down at Sam.  “I have a few guesses,” she admitted. 

Tears filled Sam’s eyes and she squeezed them shut.  “I think I’ve known I was really a girl ever since I was a little kid even though I don’t look the way most people think girls look.”

“Hm,” Jess hummed, brushing the tears from the corners of Sam’s eyes, “it’s good that I like girls.” 

“I love you too, Jessica,” Sam whispered.  “I really, really do.”

Jessica smiled, kissed her lips briefly, and laid her head back down on the pillow, watching Sam.

\--

The phone rang three times before Dean said in a groggy voice, “Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Sammy.  That really you?”

“Yeah, it’s me, Dean.  Listen, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

 


End file.
